Man, like, I wanted to make a trollish post when I got home, but like.. this weekend was so bad that I can't even bring myself to lie about it. So I'm gonna start at the beginning.
Well first, I get on my plane and I have to suffer through like 2 hours with two of the most annoying people in America, Zonger1 and Render (And I know Render was my partner, but I promise you only because he paid for my ticket!).
So we get a car but it takes a while because they're so inept. We start heading to the arcade, and already Render is tripping balls like "Yo Dacid I don't even know which way to the arcade and you look really good today" which obviously just pissed me off so I tell him to ask his boyfriend in the backseat and look the other way. With a start like this, I was sure it couldn't get any worse.
But then I met fucking pretzel wolf and fubarduck, and you know that it obviously did. Two of the biggest toolbags east of the Pacific, but they acted like they didn't even know it. Whatever, Kensou and Kid Viper blew them out of the water though; on a scale from one to big douche they're easily the best douches in America. You could tell just by the way they showed up mildly overdressed that they had serious ego problems. I played some matches with everyone to humor them, but really everyone was pretty fucking free overall. I sandbagged like shit against Pretzelwolf all day, I didn't even want to win a round, so I didn't.
Anyway we went back to the hotel after that, and I went to sleep immediately; I wasn't going to tolerate being in the same area as Spark for more than a few minutes with any manner of personal alertity. Woke up 12 hours later, we all rolled out to pretty much the single worst restaurant ever founded, I guess I'm not shocked this group of total failures found it. Had some horrible soup, and then I had some different more horrible soup. It tasted really off, and after I ate it, I got kind of nervous for my health.
And with good reason. I had some of the worst, actually medically diagnosed pains all weekend I had ever experienced in my life. It destroyed my ability to play the game at all, and right from the start of the day I didn't even want to go to Japan anymore (seriously). So I focus on the stream; Spooky was like, the only saving grace of the entire tournament, cause he put my face on the internet. He was okay too I guess, he let me say some pretty funny things to the dedicated viewers. The tournament happens and I don't give a shit and my stomach is destroying itself and the screen was lagging and the buttons kept breaking, so I lose to randoms and pretzelwolf, and it doesn't even phase me. Some more stuff happens then I have money matches with Pretzelwolf and Kenneth, and I decide I'm going to take it seriously.
First match with Pretzel wolf, and I just massacred him. I think to myself "Is this really easily the best player in Texas??" Second round, same exact thing. I start nodding off; next thing I know, it's 5-2 and PWolf won. I think, "Man, well that's the kind of shit that I have no one to blame for but myself, I guess. Just gotta learn from my mistakes; falling asleep in the middle of the match can only be detrimental to the outcome"
In any case, I walk. I tell Kenneth I don't even want to MM him and he can just take a 10 from me if he tells the internet it was a good match; mother fucker says it was a 5-1, pretty cold. Guess I expected it from Texas though.
Oh and I haven't even gotten started on Jan, one of the biggest asshats I've ever seen. And like, I knew it at EVO, but I pretended to be friendly to get a better read. I guess it paid off, cause he paid off one of my credit cards whilst drunk post tournament. All it took was a "I appreciate you man" speech and he was sobbing about how much I meant to him. Stay free, Jan.
Shit happens for a bit longer, I pretend to enjoy the rest of the night/morning and finally get on my plane and go back to California. Home of the brave. Land of the free. America's most loved state.
Stay free Texas. I was expecting better.
